Congrats! Your Hurricane is a Boy!
Why on earth do Hurricanes have names? I can understand giving names to planets, household pets, and maybe even male genitalia, but it makes no sense to give names to tropical storms.
Isn’t it a tad distasteful to be on a first-name basis with an evil whirlwind of doom? I mean, we don’t give names to tornadoes, snowstorms, earthquakes, blizzards, or any other natural disaster… So why not just say there’s a hurricane coming? That’d do it for me.
Per my research, back when this started, there were only female names. My guess is some salty sailor dudes did all the naming. Yeah, they were probably a bunch of disgruntled losers trying to get even with the women who reduced their lives to rubble (get it?).
These days, hurricanes are assigned a mix of both male and female names, because equality, right? The current lineup for 2009 is Ana, Bill, Claudette, Danny, Erika, Fred, Grace, Henri, Ida, Joaquin, Kate, Larry, Mindy, Nicholas, Odette, Peter, Rose, Sam, Teresa, Victor, and Wanda.
Hold up. Let’s talk about these names for a minute. They are way too passive. Hurricane Mindy? Who’s going to take a warning about Hurricane Rose seriously… she sounds like my welcoming grandmother. And boy oh boy, nothing sounds more catastrophic than Hurricane Grace.
If we must name hurricanes, we should give them names that strike fear into our hearts. I’d be much quicker to heed the warning for Hurricane Psycho-Killer-Demon-Possessed-Alien-Little-Kid-Zombie-Fleshed-Porcelain-Doll-Decepticon.
But with a name like Fred, you’d think the hurricane was a playful puppy or a kindly Uncle. People should not be sympathizing with swirling storms. And if scary names are too trauma-inducing, I have another pitch. How about derogatory names that better characterize their rude nature?
Picture it: One season might start out with Hurricane Asshole, and then continue with Hurricane Beeotch, and then finally wrap up with Tropical Depression Crackhead. You can’t deny that this would liven up weather reports…
“Now Bob with the weather. Bob, it looks like Hurricane Dickwad is headed right for the Florida Keys.”
“That’s right, Jim. What a prick.”
Wouldn’t that be fantastic? And if we adopted this naming convention, we’d have enough insults to last for decades. Of course, if we ever ran out, or just for variety, we could always switch to German.
129 Comments
Allie
LMAO. Hurricane Dickwad?! xD But I do agree with you, Hurricane Rose or Grace or Fred does NOT sound scary. xD Why DO they name hurricanes? It's not like they name every thunderstorm, tornado, etc. It's not fair to all the other natural disasters. 😛
Amy
Yeah, that clip is amazing, I love it. 🙂
You still have your Pokemon cards?? I only have about 3 left 'cause I ebayed them. Probably so I could buy a guitar or something. It's weird that little pieces of card are worth so much, particularly the rare ones. I can just imagine someone saying, 'I have a piece of rare card, £85 please.'
I never understood the naming of Hurricanes either. And why do they come in alphabetical order, is it to teach children the alphabet through the form of hurricane. Pretty weird. 🙂
xx
Ben
Yeah, so weird. :S
Justin R.
You don't even live in Florida. I suffer through every one of those names. And Hurricane Grace sounds like Deborah Messing on a bad day.
Camila
I guess I just didn't feel "prepared"..I postponed it for too long. And my boyfriend had been talking to her about me and I thought that maybe she had really high expectations for me. She was really happy to meet me though 🙂
Have you met your boyfriend's parents?!
Haha I've always wondered why they name hurricanes! In Asia we actually had funny names for typhoons.. but they were mostly male I think. It's a really weird thing. I always wonder how they decide on the names. Imagine having a name that's associated with a natural disaster. . that's not cool.
loved the "hurricane dickwad" haha 🙂
Thuyy
lmao
who ever said i even wanted an award? =o
>.> am i getting annoying? lol
Ana
Lmao. HURRICANE ANA! Never knew there's a Hurricane named ANA. Probably Hurricarana. LMAO. Random.
Jill
Haha really? That's sweet 🙂
Merete
wow. You are going to New York? 😀 coooooooooooool !
I gonna come home tomorrow, so I can't wait ! 😀 It's only because it's have been railing all day long here :/
sup?
Chynna
aha, your posts always make me laugh 🙂
I read the Fred bit and just thought of Fred from Harry Potter.
OMG, GINGER HURRICANE!
Oooooh, threatening ^_^
Gosh, I'm crazy.
x
Anna
Haha I am not sure but I guess it's a thought XD Thanks! 😛
Paige
Yep, on Saturday I'm leaving for 12 days to go to Colorado for a family reunion. We're hitting up other states on the way. I'm not very excited. Our vacations our always torturous. lol
You?
Chrys
I hate to break this to you but I used to live in Hong Kong (I hate how that is now PAST tense, anyway) and they DO name typhoons =/ But yesh.
Haha, true. I always wondered why they called boats "she"… In case it sinks or something? I have no clue… But I always thought it was weird.
HAHA. I have problems saying Joaquin too. When Walk The Line came out I was calling the main actor "Joe-ahh-quin" and everyone was like "Who?" aparrently it's said something like "ASKJLAJXIOWJCKOASWQMW". I don't know. It's very confusing =/
Maybe it's so that you can scream "GOOD GRACE!"… as in "GOOD GRACIOUS!"… but I'm out of ideas =/ I'd want hurrican "Ripper" or something like that. Psycho-Killer-Demon-Possessed-Alien-Little-K
id-Zombie-Fleshed-Porcelain-Doll-Decepticon (copy & paste for the win!) would be a taaaaad bit too long for me!
GERMAN FOR THE WIN 😀 Hahaha. I love saying that now "for the win"… I really need to stop.
Anyhoot. What I've been blabbing on about trying to say is; YES. You're right 🙂
Adios.
Pam
Aww I didn't use it against you lol I was just asking if it was like that guy.. So how old were you then when it happened?
It did get a little wierd, lol. Talking about who's butt was more experienced. 😛
Gillan
my life is very…hard?!haha,i have mastery exams for tomorrow and for the next day xD
so,what about you?what's new?:D
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