Pour Decisions: From Cocktails to Cuffs
Like most college students, a little alcohol makes me lose my shit. I’ve found myself hitting on strangers, admitting secrets, and even trying to ride a hamster (okay, so maybe that last one isn’t so common).
To be honest, some of my fondest memories are the result of being utterly plastered. This past weekend, however, I stumbled onto a new type of drunken escapades: I was chased by the police.
It all started around four in the morning, fueled by the fruity buzz of raspberry-flavored Mike’s Hard Lemonades (don’t knock ’em till you’ve tried ’em). Nearly passing out on a lawn chair with a gnome up my butt, I figured it was high time to call it a night.
Now, the journey back to my dorm is usually a leisurely stroll, so I figured I’d walk. Unfortunately, the walk ended up being more of a stumble. I was tripping over my own feet like a newborn giraffe in stilettos.
As fate would have it, I found myself crossing a busy street just as the unmistakable wail of police sirens filled the air. I didn’t think much of it. In fact, I didn’t think at all; to avoid confrontation, I jumped into a bush.
Next thing I remember is a deep, intense scream that pierced through the sirens; making me nearly soil myself. To my surprise, the cop had jumped out of his car and started sprinting towards me.
In fear, I screamed back at him. But then, in a moment of liquid courage, I tried a daring escape, only to be met by a second patrol car blocking the opposite path. Feeling the excitement, I pretended I was in a Die Hard movie and attempted drunken somersaults.
Needless to say, the officers were not amused, one even brandishing a firearm and ordering me to get down on my knees. Still completely shit-faced, I giggled at his dirty remark. Before I knew it, I was handcuffed and surrounded by a curious audience of passing motorists, each casting pitying glances my way.
Completely dumbfounded; I turned back to the cops and said, “Ohio has some strict underage drinking laws, eh?” Oops. Cover blown.
And then, yet another wild officer appeared (I swear, at this point, I had enough policemen for my own personal SWAT team). This guy assured me that if I cooperated, he’d let me go. Okay, cool. But I still didn’t know why I was handcuffed.
The cop was cute (in a 35-year-old-hot-dad-with-a-long-nightstick kind of way). He looked like his name was Damon, so that’s what I kept calling him. Damon politely requested permission for a strip search, which I couldn’t help but find both endearing and slightly kinky.
He rummaged through my pockets (yes, daddy), discovering nothing more than a Lady Gaga keychain and some old crayons from Applebee’s (this is, perhaps, more embarrassing than my choice of alcohol). Damon pulled out his walkie-talkie and exclaimed with a laugh, “There’s no way this guy is the threat.”
And just like that, the cuffs were off. The whole ordeal was over in a blur (and not only because I blacked out).
In the sober light of day, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of it all. Sure, there was no apology for the mishap – not even from my future husband Damon – but hey, at least my underage antics went undetected, thanks in part to my fruity raspberry breath. I suppose being drunk prevented me from doing something stupid and getting killed (wow, somebody put that in a PSA).
I couldn’t resist telling my mother about my drunken shenanigans, and needless to say, she was not amused. She wasted no time demanding answers from the authorities.
According to the police chief, I was apprehended due to a case of mistaken identity, simply fitting the description of a suspicious character on the loose with a knife. And by “fitting the description,” I was “a Caucasian male with khaki pants.” Except I wasn’t wearing khaki pants. Or holding a knife. But, okay. Whatever.
The officer also told my mother I looked suspicious because I jumped into a bush. Well, damn. I guess there’s no appreciation for nature lovers anymore.
75 Comments
Lisa
Oh dear, that definitely sounds like something you'd tell your grandchildren! I've had this picture of you as a 21-year-old, all adult-like. 😛
Interesting items you had in your pockets, I have to admit that. Great post, had a blast reading about your experience. BD
Senyth
Yeah, alcohol has that effect on us, though I don't know exactly what the feeling is since I don't drink. But it makes you feel light or something, and it makes you feel you can do anything.
Don't get me wrong or something, but I actuall enjoyed reading your post. XD
Catherine
A lot of people my age drink and work to getting drunk but I have to admit I never go out and aim to get drunk. However I do try people's drinks. Once though, someone mixed their drink with coke, I didn't realize how much I was drinking and before I knew it I was rolling round the floor laughing xP Ah funny times. That time I was drunk I just tended to tell people exactly what I thought of them and be really friendly to everyone :p (The drinking age here is 18)
Wow that definitely sounds like a crazy night! I would have been so scared!
Lool it's funny that he just laughed after seeing the Lady Gaga keychain xP! Atleast it showed your innocence xP Sounds like an interesting event to have happened 😛
Maria Celina
That night sounded.. bizarre. You have to admit that one of the saving graces for your getting drunk was that you weren't anxious to get angry.. unless, of course, it's in your disposition to lose your temper when inebriated. Either way, they might have continued to misinterpret you.
It's these moments that make for a wonderful blog entry! Your mom is also awesome for calling up the police station to demand answers from them.
Thanks for sharing this experience! (Sorry for the double posting, by the way. I wasn't done writing out my comment, but I accidentally pressed "Submit".)
Maria Celina
That night sounded.. bizarre. You have to admit that one of the saving graces for your getting drunk was that you weren't anxious to get angry. They might have continued to misinterpret you.
It's these moments that make for a wonderful blog entry! Thanks for sharing this experience!
Julia
lmao, you are hilarious Justin! I'm glad your okay & that you didn't get arrested for underaged drinking. It's lucky your breath smelt fruity. 😛
It's lucky you had those items in your pocket, even though they may have been embarrassing.
That's crazy how they thought you looked suspicious just because you hesitated crossing the street. Maybe you were just being careful.
AnneMarie
This entire story is hilarious. 😀 Poor you, it sounds like something that would only happen in the movies. 😛
You're underage? I always figured you were 21. I guess I'm wrong though 😛
Jorja
Wow, that must've made your day! 😛
The cops can be… dumb sometimes. Heh. I love how they suspected you of being some random guy for like… no real reason.
Your mum has a good humour; mine wouldn't laugh until after she'd yelled at me. DX
I don't want to drink when I'm older… let alone get drunk. Lawl.
I can't believe they didn't apologise even after they cuffed you and all of that crap. D:
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WHOOOO I love dancing but I suck balls at it. Oh well I'll try it one time! Better try and find some 'dance-y' music amongst my library…
Take care! xx
Michaela
Lmao that's comical. Most cops shouldn't even BE cops because they're just that idiotic in the head.
I giggled (guess I'm a giggly person too) when Damon came into the picture. Oh god that was hilarious.
I'm not one to get drunk and have never been, even at the age of 17, but if I saw that happening I'd probably look like I was drunk as well since I'd be laughing so hard.
RE:
Completely agreed! What great advice! Sorry for the late reply by the way, somehow you were in my spam queue and I only checked it right now.
Michael
;O You naughty boy! 😛 Thanks for your comment. WOW nice to see a site that doesn't use wordpress, what do you use?
Scott
Wow, Cops are stupid but thankfully you got away with being drunk. But sadly they cuffed you and treated you like shit, but then again that what cops do. CRAYONS, wtf do you have crayons for…
That was the best thing I read today. Plus it is only 4 am so, it been only 4 hours into my day.
Pauline
This is quite amusing! Haha.
I haven't ever got "pissed" since I'm only 13 but I kind of uderstand you.
It's rude that they didn't apologize! 🙁 meanies.
Thurr
DUDE, I think I just died while reading your post. YOU WERE BASICALLY GIGGLING THE ENTIRE TIME. LOL. Strip search ftw!
I think I love your mother. If I told my mom that same story she'd probably sermon me like most mothers do.
Bah. Screw those policemen for suspecting you of carrying deadly weapons. I think the only weapon you had at the time was your mighty giggle. 🙂
Felisa
I'm so with you. I would've demanded an apology… not for being strip-searched but for being mistaken as someone who wears khaki pants.
Naetherwatch
Hello! This is Nagashiko! Sorry for the off-topic comment. My domain expired and it costs $80 to redeem it. Huhuhu…
Care to exchange links?
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