Wrap Rage: Seal of Disapproval
Christmas movies make me laugh with all their clichés. There’s always a scene where children rush down the stairs to discover mountain of presents beneath the tree. Cue the sappy music as the camera pans over the kids tearing open boxes, revealing board games, Bratz dolls, and the occasional Mr. Potato Head. Parents look on adoringly, and the world is full of happiness. Gross.
I don’t know about you, but my childhood Christmases never looked that picture-perfect. In fact, they were quite the opposite. Instead of running to the tree, the first thing I’d do in the morning was head to the shed for a chainsaw.
You see, the thrill of getting a new toy was always ruined by that plastic clamshell packaging crap. You know, the impenetrable bubble stuff that’s always wrapped around electronics. Trying to pry that shit open often resulted in injury, sometimes even blood loss. Christmas Eve became a day to prepare for the coming war.
I’ve faced some pretty defiant packages in my day. I was forced to attack them with scissors, pliers, a butcher knife, a razor blade, my teeth, and even a newborn baby. Yes, a newborn baby, because, well, rumor has it kids can get into anything.
Trying to salvage my holiday spirit, I recently looked into solutions and found a device called the Package Shark. I was so excited until I realized it was also wrapped in clamshell packaging.
Don’t get me wrong; I understand it’s to prevent theft. But when it takes you two days to open your purchase, it kind of defeats the purpose. And boy, the worst part is when the clamshell is so tight around an item that there’s nowhere to poke without punching through the item itself.
A brand-new pair of headphones should not come with a sliced-up wire and 17 dents in the earpiece before you can use it.
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, 6,000 Americans are sent to emergency rooms each year with injuries caused by trying to open their purchases. What the hell?!
Another idea: why don’t we use this stuff to make condoms?
In conclusion, I hate clamshell packaging. It’s pretty awkward when you go to return something, and it looks like it’s been attacked by a Rottweiler.
113 Comments
Ben
Sorry about double commenting but I forgot to reply to what you said. So, just pretend this one is part of my last comment 😀 …..
Aw, thanks. Yeah I'm really loving the new monitor 🙂
I'm going to La Ronde. See Laronde.com if you want to check it out. I'm going tomorrow morning, it's so exciting!
Ben
Yeah, I hate the packaging they use on all these things we get. Like you said they do have quite a few things now that make it easy to get through the plastic but I find it so funny and sort of ironic that you can't even get through the package.
Pam
I know what you mean!! Christmas is never like that, although funnily enough there was this one what my mum recorded… maybe it's only the recorded ones that are nice?
BARBIES! I got loads every christmas (I was kind of obsessed) and they are so impossible to get into! I had this one which had really long hair and it all got tangled up in the process of getting it out of the box so I had to throw it away anyway! >:(
Tashia
your post just cracked me up but made me thing at the same time. You are definitely right it is hard to remember the last thing I bought my kids I did not almost hurt myself opening. I used to think they way they used the ties to hold thing in place was bad.
Rachel
Aw, thank you! 😀
Ugh yeah, I hate that type of packaging. =/ I never knew it had a name though… now I have a name to hate too. 😀 But yeah… like I'll buy something that I'm all excited about and then I'll want to open it in the car on the way home but I CAN'T because of that dumb packaging. D:
Axi
Haha. You have 69 comments when I clicked to comment. XD I know, random, but it was an interesting fact.
And yes, clamshell packaging is horrid. I don't know who invented them, but they were stupid. They are life-threatening! Why can't all package just be bubble wraped? A lot of bubble wrap. That would be so awesome.
Jackie
Gee do I remember that!! Especially those action figures and dolls that came strapped into that flimsy carboard with those metal twisties. GRR! And yeah loads of people came into Toys R Us when I was working there, embarassed with the torn up packaging surrounding the sad pathetic toy they had to return. 🙁
Jill
Oh, well being evil and doing evil are totally different.
Amber
I have trouble opening those too– usually just try to open them with my teeth.
Brittany!
haha! yeah, i hope so! :D:D but i still wish i had your hairstyle. xD
Amanda
ahahah; shes a freak (: thats why we hate her (: XD
well…whenever someone brings up her name we laugh because of her weirdness xD
Justin Robbins
When I worked at Radio Shack — I use to cut open the packages for people with a box cutter before they left.
Meaghander At My Butt
I loooooveeee ADD comments! You should do that to me! ;D
Jill
I'm not evil, I swears.. 🙂
Kathy
Haha, that was hilarious but very true. I hate the packaging they have on everything these days. It is kind of ridiculous how hard they make it for people. I bet the people who do the packaging are laughing at the idea of it, keep themselves amused while working.
Leave Comment