Budding Banter with Ferntastic Friends
I engage in a lot of self-dialogue. It took me ages to even realize it was happening. My friends were the ones who pointed it out, and now that I’m aware of it, I’m a bit unsettled. I find myself chatting away as I stroll down the street, sit at my desk, and even while I shop. Heck, I practically host a one-man talk show while on the toilet.
I guess it has its perks. Vocalizing my thoughts helps me bring clarity to what’s happening in my head. It aids my concentration and helps me navigate the world around me. Admittedly, it also makes me look bat-shit insane, but hey, since I probably am, that’s a fair exchange.
But why is it assumed that talking to yourself is a sign of madness? If I’m jabbering away, folks automatically peg me as a candidate for the loony bin. They liken me to Gollum from Lord of the Rings, coveting my “precious.”
It’s not fair. Why can’t I just be my own cheerleader?
Thankfully, I’ve devised a plan to make my “me parties” seem less bizarre. The idea struck me while binge-watching Looney Tunes. In one episode, Bugs Bunny was conversing with a plant to hasten its growth.
This got me thinking about all the cartoons, sitcoms, and even ads that toy with this notion. Does talking to a plant actually expedite its growth? Who cares. All I know is, culturally and socially, it’s more acceptable to chat up a plant than it is to converse with yourself.
So now, whenever I leave my house, I carry a potted plant. It’s an Aloe vera, and her name is Sapniqua. When people hear me gabbing away, they’ll now assume it’s with Sapniqua, and they’ll know I’m not bonkers. Or, well, they’ll know I’m less bonkers.
This arrangement is a win-win. Sapniqua gets the benefit of accelerated growth, a theory supported by many scientists and even the MythBusters crew. When you break it down, the logic is sound. Plants need carbon dioxide to flourish, and when you talk to them, you breathe out carbon dioxide—fulfilling their needs.
Of course, I’m aware it’s not quite that straightforward. Sapniqua’s growth will hinge on numerous factors and conditions. I’ll need to be extremely careful with her.
It’ll be akin to dating her. I’ll need to check in on her, ensure her safety, and shower her with attention. Oh, and I’ll also have to quit talking to the fern next door.
Some may find this peculiar, but let’s not forget I’m not the first person to be overly affectionate with a plant. Hippies have been hugging trees since the ’60s.
Here’s hoping Sapniqua returns the affection. It’d be heartbreaking if she hated me. I mean, what if she prefers to be alone? It’s like the old riddle: if a tree falls in the forest and no one’s around to hear it, does it still want somebody to talk to?
If we get in a fight, is it taboo to buy flowers for my flowers?
As you can see, dating a plant is uncharted territory for me. When it comes to being a plant lover, I’m stumped. It’s a deeply-rooted issue. Okay, fine, I’ll stop with the puns before this grows out of proportion, and I bark up the wrong tree.
Wish me luck. I’d knock on wood, but it might be seen as an act of assault.
131 Comments
Carissa
heh there's not much of a variety of tree here in Miami. Just basically palm trees and yummy Florida orange tree 😀
yeah that art was supposed to be alice but it look fugly…dunno lol
Lee
Wow, staring at that baby freaks me out a bit!
O_O <–That's him.
Amy
I was just bored so I blogged about absolutely nothing. I was gonna just go OMG the whole way through the entry, but I thought that would get annoying. 🙂
Desperate Housewives is random if you haven't seen it before. In fact it's still random if you watch it every week.
I don't know whether talking to plants makes them grow faster. It probably does 'cause you're breathing on them and they need C02 to photosynthesise. Hope Sapniqua grows big and strong after all that talking. 😛
xx
Mischa
Thanks! Oh I bet you are.. I have heard the show is amazing.
Stephine
Shur said it got deleted 'cause you didn't post a link.
Shur
lmao…jeez Justin, check your spam before ranting at someone next time haha jk
Shur
You're getting that login / email verification error because your account has been deleted. We have an announcement on the frontpage saying all users are to add their site URL immediately or they will be deleted. Register again, this time getting your URL up? 😛
Lee
By hugging a tree, you become a hippie; so by becoming a hippie, you help the tree grow!
I know that's dumb, just made it up now…
Lillie
HAHA. That totally made my day(:
Maybe I'll only put one in and let the guy's eye follow it o.o
Georgina
I was ten! And yeah, I'm nearly 18… so… xDDD. Can't believe it was epic years ago. So I DID hear of it, even though it was pretty much dead. 😛
AnneMarie
LOve the name Sapniqua. Very pretty. And talking to plants isn't bad. Just keep the plant next to you 24/7 and talk… when you're lonely just grab a plant and talk. You both will prosper.
Haha, I'm a purple fan. Green is good too though, I just prefer purple.
Haha, I'm crushing I know. I was having one of those days where I can't help but crush. I'm not like that everyday though. ^^
Shola
Yeah it does suck about the hyper insomnia thing but it's getting better. I just have to maintain routine which sucks.
I've checked your myspace out, very snazzy. I love the white kid afro you got going off.
Cyanne is one of my middle name. I use to have thesyrup.com but I thought it sounded too much like a failed magazine so i change to cyanne. I have this brilliant idea that when I become a famous author I would have a ghost name (Cyanne Gordon) whilst still retaining privacy of my real name (Shola). Even though the writing is going strong, that idea sunk quicker than the titanic I'm afraid.
Ipeedalittle is cool. domain name. Quick query, how did you find my blog? I'm curious. ^__^
Oh and the gay remark in the "using urinals" thing wasn't derogatory to homosexuals, it's apparently just the urinal law. Take it up with them, I am sure they have a complaints department. 🙂
Oh Jesus, I just taken my glasses off and I have rectangular glasses shape marks on my face. argh. how're you anyways?
Lillie
ionno… is it?
*gets a jar of ants ready* o-O
Sonya
ahhh. my brain is always dead D;
Shola
Hyper insomnia. – the opposite but same.
I sleep way too much.
And when I am awake, I am awake at stupid o'clock like now. Gutting really.
Got to go to a party as well tomorrow. gah.
How did you come up with "Ipeedalittle.com"?
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